April 08, 1999
Insomnia
Well, it's official.
I have insomnia. Every once in a while I'll get this way. Where no matter what I do, I can't sleep and only fall asleep after I get mentally exhausted. In college, I used to get insomnia all the time and would stay up studying. This was a sure cure, as nothing makes you more sleepy that reading college textbooks.
So, these days I spend my time at night writing. It doesn't matter really to whom or what I'm writing, as long as I'm tapping away at the keyboard. So while "Married With Children" is playing its canned laughtrack and my computer hums along quietly, I stay up and think about stuff. Like society, my place in it, and other things that seem to be important until you reflect on them the next day.
Sometimes I wonder why our world is the way it is, and whether there will ever be anything I can do about it. History has shown us that it is possible for a single person to affect a society and culture. And so I wonder if I will ever be motivated enough to become a force among our society. I have the ability to influence a small group of people, as does any person who is good at what they do, whether it's part of their personal or professional lives. I look at what makes up the American culture and wonder if advertising will always be so dominant, or if people will some day open their eyes and realize that they are being influenced in ways they are not even aware of. I think about how our society seems to revolve around what our culture mandates and how everyone must be perfect. Or how everyone must keep quiet and not speak out against the well-entrenched legions of our cultural cement.
I'm no radical. No, not even close. I don't dye my hair blue, wear funky clothes, or stand on a corner spouting pre-scripted verse. No, I'm simply a red-blooded American who is becoming sick and tired of the way things are done in this country. How movie stars get paid millions while teachers barely make enough to get by. How political action committees made up of representatives of the largest corporations in the world influence politicians with money, and succeed in getting their way by tying everything up in red tape. How millions of Americans have suddenly forgotten that a book can tell a story so much better than the TV. How people come home and turn the TV on and the brain off.
Granted, there is probably very little that I can do, so I rant and write and get as many people as I can to listen and nod their heads, before they go off and follow the paths that our society has clearly given them.
Recently, I've noticed that many of these same people with their brains switched off have discovered the Internet. And chat rooms. Oh my. I remember when chat was worth the time you put into it. This was back in 1993, when you could get into a chat room and discuss high-level topics without someone with a silly screen name asking you how old you are or if you were a girl.
And I realize that the Internet has become a means for mass communication and entertainment, but with a whole lot less emphasis on research, learning, and information distribution.
And so as we all try to figure out who we are in society, what we stand for, and how we can make our mark, the world will continue to revolve whether or not we desperately want to it to stop so we can get off. As it's clear in my mind that life is and always will be one really wicked ride.
Posted by Cameron Barrett at April 8, 1999 11:59 PMIt really does bother me that teachers scrape along while movie stars live in grandeur. What do these people really contribute to the world? It's so backwards. And the internet has changed profoundly. Back in the BBS days, I could spend hours chatting about science, culture, the world or Universe in general.. Recently, I decided to check out modern chat. I went to a physics chat room, and ended up being baroged with hit-ons!
I had the fortune to live a small sailboat for some years with no television. This did me a world of good. Nowadays, it is as if no one knows how to actually live life, so they have to live vicariously through these damn "reality" series. If they want real life on television, why not watch the news? Better yet, why don't they turn off the tv and get out there! Well, it comforts me that other people are confused by what is going on in our society. Everything seems so fragmented and shallow.
I have enjoyed your site tremendously.
Sabine
Posted by: Sabine at August 3, 2003 05:41 PM
hi my name is kym and im an insomniac. sucks when you are the only one awake. all i can think about is coffee and late night romping through walmart while my husband is sound asleep. SIGH. what to do....
Posted by: kym at November 1, 2003 02:14 AM
I too am blessed with insomnia,I am busy washing dishes,giving my yorkie a bath(which she does not appreciate,at that hour)she rather be snoozing on my lazyboy recliner.I read,listen to radio and the hours tick away,without a hint of sleepiness.Been to all kinds of doctors and have had countless prescriptions to no avail.I so much want to get in the car and go somewhere at 4am,but worry about the downside of that idea.I do believe that insomniacs are highly intelligent,why else would they be unable to turn their brains off,and just give in to the blissfulness of sleep.Everyone else in my home is snoring right now and have no idea what it is like. Good luck out there!!!!!!
Posted by: Lin at January 16, 2004 01:46 AM
One must be poor to know the luxury of giving.
Posted by: Parekh Rajul at January 25, 2004 08:12 AM
i am a woman of 37 yrs old. Tonight when i couldn't sleep, i played drums on my teeth.. like tat..tattat.. tat. It amused me until i tried to drum to classical music... then i started remebering an ex of mine. He was horrified of dentists. Hated and feared them like others fear mass murders. And he picked up the habit. He used to drum on his teeth all the time. But he couldn't go to the dentist. But he still did it. One of his teeth are chipped and he had an absess on the inside of his mouth. But he still drummed. Can anyone explain why? Interestingly, my boyfriend has an annoying habit of echoing me in an annoying childish voice. Maybe it's because i said i wanted more space- (i live in a bedsit) so, in a round about way, he is trying to make me think i live in a really big house on my own. The echo effect, you see. And maybe thats why i can't sleep. The bed is a kingsize, so when i reach out nobodys there. It's kind of creepy, when i can hear him snoring and breathing, and his echoing before he sleeps. Then the light goes off, and i lay down. His natural habit is to curl up against the wall. I relax and spread out. then my arm reaches that space.And then i sit up and drum on my teeth.The sad thing is, i don't think it would be any different if i had a smaller bed. He woke up just now, and smiled at the space i should be laying in, and reached out and cuddled the duvet. Maybe he is dreaming of his own big space, and my tap tap tapping on the keyboard makes him think of footsteps on a long flight of stairs. But, this isn't a problem page. Anyone out there know of any teeth druming tunes. Just say how many beats to the insisor, how many to the molars, and how many to the front teeth...
Posted by: teri at February 12, 2004 07:43 PM
